This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: ********
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But currently, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Friday, October 10, 2008
50 Facts "When You are in Chandigarh"
You know you are in chandigarh when...
1.) University elections become more important than MLA, MC elections (SOPU, PUSU bruuahh)
2.) Explaining Gehri to outsiders becomes a tough task
3.) 'Uphill' can only be understood by you
4.) You always have a 'pind'(village) to goto every month
5.) Kaimbwala requires no further defining
6.) You always have a separate budget (after buying a car) for bigger tyres, alloy wheels, stereo, woofer
7.) Shopping in guys' vocabulary refers to buying daru from Jugnu Ahata and soda, glasses from any confectionery
8.) Names like Neelam, Nirman, Kiran, Jagat, Batra, Piccadily aren't just names but entertainment centres
9.) Car-o-bar refers to drinking with glasses on the dickey of the car in sector 8 market late at night
10.) Paranthe wale are the chefs who come out late at night at sector 16 to make paranthe and chai for late night partygoers
11.) Abbreviations like GCG, MCM mean a lot without knowing their full forms
12.) Guys speak in loud Punjabi when a group of girls passes by and girls start speaking in English everytime a group of guys passes by
13.) The city seems too slow and dead and everyone heads to Delhi
14.) The traffic cops start the challan drive in the last week of March to end the year in good numbers
15.) Everyone has a 'massi' in Canada , and a 'bhua' in UK
16.) Once upon a point Valentine's Day meant tractors on Gehri route(sector 10) and speeds of only 5 km/h
17.) A new year's bash is incompete without a fight
18.) Any party is incomplete without a fight
19.) Everyone has some political connection
20.) Stu C is more popular with non students
21.) You are proud of being from a particular school and a passive member of its alumni group (YPS, Vivek, Sna, GNPS, Carmel , SJOBA etc.)
22.) Going to the dog show means checking out the girls more than the dogs
23.) Owning a Bullet while still in school is an achievement
24.) Spending upto Rs 2 lacs on number 1 for a car's number plate does not raise any eyebrows
25.) Kinetic Hondascooter is referred to as Kiney and Bullet bike as Bullt
26.) You are proud of being a Punjabi
27.) 'Mallo Malli Khadak Piyan' sticker is found on many cars
28.) Guys are called by their surnames, (Brar, Sidhu bai, Dhillon) and followed by 'Kiven aa, Kidaan!!'
29.) 22g, 62 is only understood by you
30.) You are shocked to find out when someone doesn't drink and is a vegetarian
31.) Many ppl are 'vella'(free) when asked what they do
32.) Everyone's been to the Rock Garden and hate to show it yet again to family friends/relatives from other cities
33.) One hand, while driving, is on the 'muchh'(mustaches) and the other on the steering wheel
34.) Everybody knows everybody
35.) Every new party place has the same old faces
36.) A new car, bike etc. first comes to the Gehri route n later to the gurudwara or mandir
37.) Coke and Pepsi come in small 'Sheeshee'
38.) Your every sentence has a ' Ma Di' or 'Bhen Di'
39.) Anyone and Everyone has had food at 'Pal Da Dhaba' and 'Giani Da Dhaba (Dharampur)'
40.) Desi Ahatas are officially called 'TAVERNS'
41.) Everyone has heard the song ' Chandigarh kare aashiqui' by B21
42.) Bikers are challaned even if the pillion rider is not wearing a helmet and girls are allowed to ride without one.
43.) While in school everyone waits for tuition time to finally talk to the special person (not in a uniform)
44.) Panchkula and Mohali-ites don't mind being called as Chandigarhians(very true)
45.) Very few ppl know about the Mosque in sector 20 and the Church in sector 18
46.) Most ppl have been challaned more than once (for speeding mostly)
47.) ... And most ppl have gone to the district courts in sector 17 to get their challans cleared (as it is cheaper than paying the fine at sector 29 police lines)
48.) A good lookin car turns more heads than a pretty girl
49.) English speaking girls are usually referred to as 'yankan' or 'jhankan'
50.) The 'Gehri-on-foot' (à la sector 35 CCD lane, sector 17) becomes more popular.
1.) University elections become more important than MLA, MC elections (SOPU, PUSU bruuahh)
2.) Explaining Gehri to outsiders becomes a tough task
3.) 'Uphill' can only be understood by you
4.) You always have a 'pind'(village) to goto every month
5.) Kaimbwala requires no further defining
6.) You always have a separate budget (after buying a car) for bigger tyres, alloy wheels, stereo, woofer
7.) Shopping in guys' vocabulary refers to buying daru from Jugnu Ahata and soda, glasses from any confectionery
8.) Names like Neelam, Nirman, Kiran, Jagat, Batra, Piccadily aren't just names but entertainment centres
9.) Car-o-bar refers to drinking with glasses on the dickey of the car in sector 8 market late at night
10.) Paranthe wale are the chefs who come out late at night at sector 16 to make paranthe and chai for late night partygoers
11.) Abbreviations like GCG, MCM mean a lot without knowing their full forms
12.) Guys speak in loud Punjabi when a group of girls passes by and girls start speaking in English everytime a group of guys passes by
13.) The city seems too slow and dead and everyone heads to Delhi
14.) The traffic cops start the challan drive in the last week of March to end the year in good numbers
15.) Everyone has a 'massi' in Canada , and a 'bhua' in UK
16.) Once upon a point Valentine's Day meant tractors on Gehri route(sector 10) and speeds of only 5 km/h
17.) A new year's bash is incompete without a fight
18.) Any party is incomplete without a fight
19.) Everyone has some political connection
20.) Stu C is more popular with non students
21.) You are proud of being from a particular school and a passive member of its alumni group (YPS, Vivek, Sna, GNPS, Carmel , SJOBA etc.)
22.) Going to the dog show means checking out the girls more than the dogs
23.) Owning a Bullet while still in school is an achievement
24.) Spending upto Rs 2 lacs on number 1 for a car's number plate does not raise any eyebrows
25.) Kinetic Hondascooter is referred to as Kiney and Bullet bike as Bullt
26.) You are proud of being a Punjabi
27.) 'Mallo Malli Khadak Piyan' sticker is found on many cars
28.) Guys are called by their surnames, (Brar, Sidhu bai, Dhillon) and followed by 'Kiven aa, Kidaan!!'
29.) 22g, 62 is only understood by you
30.) You are shocked to find out when someone doesn't drink and is a vegetarian
31.) Many ppl are 'vella'(free) when asked what they do
32.) Everyone's been to the Rock Garden and hate to show it yet again to family friends/relatives from other cities
33.) One hand, while driving, is on the 'muchh'(mustaches) and the other on the steering wheel
34.) Everybody knows everybody
35.) Every new party place has the same old faces
36.) A new car, bike etc. first comes to the Gehri route n later to the gurudwara or mandir
37.) Coke and Pepsi come in small 'Sheeshee'
38.) Your every sentence has a ' Ma Di' or 'Bhen Di'
39.) Anyone and Everyone has had food at 'Pal Da Dhaba' and 'Giani Da Dhaba (Dharampur)'
40.) Desi Ahatas are officially called 'TAVERNS'
41.) Everyone has heard the song ' Chandigarh kare aashiqui' by B21
42.) Bikers are challaned even if the pillion rider is not wearing a helmet and girls are allowed to ride without one.
43.) While in school everyone waits for tuition time to finally talk to the special person (not in a uniform)
44.) Panchkula and Mohali-ites don't mind being called as Chandigarhians(very true)
45.) Very few ppl know about the Mosque in sector 20 and the Church in sector 18
46.) Most ppl have been challaned more than once (for speeding mostly)
47.) ... And most ppl have gone to the district courts in sector 17 to get their challans cleared (as it is cheaper than paying the fine at sector 29 police lines)
48.) A good lookin car turns more heads than a pretty girl
49.) English speaking girls are usually referred to as 'yankan' or 'jhankan'
50.) The 'Gehri-on-foot' (à la sector 35 CCD lane, sector 17) becomes more popular.
Fun: General: Similarity between IT professional and Animals
Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said: Doctor I have come on vacation for 15 days so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.
Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only.
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only.
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first.
Doctor: OK. Tell me.
Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night. I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer. I work all the day like a donkey. I run around for 11 & half months like a bull without any holiday I wag my tail in front of all my bosses, play with my children like a monkey if I get time. I am like a rabbit before my wife.
Doctor: are you an engineer?
Man: Yes.
Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the begining itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.
Borrowed HJWBB
Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only.
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only.
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first.
Doctor: OK. Tell me.
Man: I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night. I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer. I work all the day like a donkey. I run around for 11 & half months like a bull without any holiday I wag my tail in front of all my bosses, play with my children like a monkey if I get time. I am like a rabbit before my wife.
Doctor: are you an engineer?
Man: Yes.
Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the begining itself that you are are an engineer. Come man, no one can treat you better than me.
Borrowed HJWBB
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